Aliens abandoning Area 51 because of Climate Change
“They think we’re fucked”
Many decades of speculation finally came to a close last night as sources from the Area 51 site revealed that the bright lights seen over the past fortnight were indeed the last alien spaceships to leave Earth.
One of the former employees we spoke to, so far wishing to remain anonymous, said he felt compelled to tell the truth about what was going on:
“They’ve been at Area 51 for over 50 years now, as part of a joint research program with the US government. They’ve been helping us understand and tackle climate change. Not anymore though.”
This confirms sporadic accounts over the years from whistleblowers who had been dismissed as “crazies”. However the reduced activity at the site recently, such as fewer UFO sightings and abductions, does seem to suggest that operations at Area 51 had been winding down for a while now.
“They don’t want us anymore. They’re building this huge Noah’s arc in space to save whatever animals and plants they can save, but humans are not invited”
According to the same source, recent relations with the extraterrestrials had reached a crucial point, hitting several roadblocks over the years, Trump’s denial of climate change being one of them. The latest modelling of CO2 emissions and planet temperature was a major point of contention between the two sides. The Aliens finally came to the decision to call it quits and abandon the project, after reviewing their latest projections for the climate. They didn’t look good.
“They think we’re fucked. That’s why they’re leaving. We’ve reached the point of no return”
Area 51 press officials declined to comment in response to the leaked testimonials.
